Sansa – I think Sophie Turner has been great. She’s certainly gone through as much as anyone else in the series. Now she’s ready to be the Queen in the North.
Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish – For a rich and successful brothel keeper, he is not great with the ladies. I think Ned Stark was the only man who every even got annoyed with him. Maybe he could sense him wanting his wife and daughter.
Arya – Still with the stick fighting montages. We get it. Maisie Williams must be damn near a ninja by now.
Arya’s Sparring Partner – If Waif can make 140, I think we have a worthy opponent for Cyborg.
Jaqen H’ghar – A man wonders what a Faceless Man was doing in captivity on his way to the wall. Putting Arya on a long path to seeing her family humiliated all over again in street theater?
Braavos Theater District – The GOTlings? Upright Citizens of Braavos? The Lonely Iron Island? Monty Pycelle? Mr. Shame With Ned and Unella? The Children in the Hall? Comedy Wun Wun? National Lannpoon? Key & Petyr? Stannis?
Whatever you want to call them, what a performance. I wonder if every Faceless Man must see the worst things that ever happened to their family reenacted as their final test.
Braavos Foley Artist Guild – These guys are the best in the Seven Kingdoms. Their sigil is the poo emoji. Their words? [fart noise]
Gratuitous Nudity – Not sure nameless actor with warts is what the ladies have been asking for, but it’s a start.
Arya (pt 2) – A girl writes no reviews of the performance she saw. A girl writes no recaps.
Jaqen H’ghar (pt 2) – He’s basically Tobias right now saying, “but it might work for us.”
Bran – Man, once kids start to walk, they just get into everything, don’t they? Dammit Bran.
Leaf – So Whitewalkers were created to fight men. So, the men are the real enemies.
The Drowned God – Election season comes to the Iron Islands. A seemingly qualified woman versus an insane person who says whatever pops into his mind. Man, how does John Oliver do it!
Euron Greyjoy – Absolutely my favorite current character right now.
Theon – Good job getting your voice back. Also love that there were accusations of gallivanting on both GoT and Silicon Valley. The definition of gallivanting is to “go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment,” yet in both instances, it was used as a bad thing. Who can blame a gallivanter!? Theon seemed like a gallivanter.
The Drowned God (pt 2) – Literally drowning newly elected leaders has to be a tradition that is often questioned. I half-expected that water priest to say, “Well, shit. We lost another one.” (I think Iron Island’s human resources might want to schedule a CPR refresher course.) And finally, what kind of God lets the king who worships him run around in such a bunk-ass crown?
Euron (pt 2) – “Let’s go murder them.” What a great line and delivery. And no matter what, this guy is Joshua Jackson. I don’t care what IMDB says.
Dany – I guess we can reset the counter on the wall that says “Days Since The Mother of Dragons Did Something Epic and Badass” to zero. Though telling a guy who spent his entire life fighting to find a cure for an incurable disease does seem like the kind of thing a crazy ruler would command. So, she’s trying.
Jorah – With the funding from Dany, he’s going to set up one heck of a research laboratory. Hopefully, next week instead of Arya learning proper sai technique, we get Jorah in a lab coat, shaking vials full of colored liquid and watching beakers overflow. Bet you didn’t know most Andal parents want their children to go to college for biomedical engineering. “I didn’t work 24 hours a day at The Wall so you could go gallivanting around the Seven Kingdoms as a sellsword!”
Mereen – Nobody gives a shit about Mereen.
Kinvara – Our new red priestess. The Lord of Light certainly has a type.
Bran (pt 2) – Dammit Bran.
Jon Snow – Hey Jon. Love the hair. Good luck in the war to come.
Brendan Tully – “The Blackfish.” Guy’s a legend.
Tormund and Brienne – Westeros is dealing with a real Sam and Brienne situation. Assuming we never see Bronn again – he’s on a boat with Gendry. “And that Wildling fellow with the beard!”
Dolorous Edd – This. Basically.
Bran (pt 3) – DAMMIT BRAN!
Summer – RIP. What a bummer.
Hodor – Finally, Game of Thrones fans have a way to ask someone to hold the door for them and announce to those around them that they watch pay cable.
X-Men: Hodorigins – This was very sad. It also means that the time travel rules are that everything is predetermined? Is this the flat circle? Since Hodor was Hodor that means that Bran had already gone back and done this. Otherwise, he could go back and change everything.