I assume everyone took Memorial Day off from the Internet so here is this week’s abbreviated Game of Thrones recap. I just hope you weren’t standing there, looking across the room at your computer, waiting for this post to appear.
Jon Snow – Heading North of the Wall with a crazy, bearded ginger. What could possibly go wrong?
Samwell – You can remove “of the Night’s Watch” from his title. Sam is just a man now.
Reek – Dammit.
Sansa – It appears married life has not improved much since the wedding night. So, will people continue to be outraged over the treatment of the fictional character?
Brienne – Waiting. And watching. Watching. And waiting.
Maester Aemon Targaryen – RIP. Not many people in the Seven Kingdoms go peacefully in old age. That’s something right there.
Sansa – Seriously, things are bad for her. We should all stop watching.
Ramsay – Still a monster. We get it. Raping and flaying. Just kill him and make people feel good.
Stannis – Didn’t know they had Bad Idea Jeans in the North, but Stannis found a pair. Now he’s an episode or two from being – at the least – complicit in the death of his daughter.
Red Woman – She gets off on being withholding. And young men with king’s blood. And fire.
Gilly – She certainly made Sam work for it.
Ghost – Oh, hey Direwolf. Thanks for showing up. Probably should have gone North with Jon, but staying home paid off.
Jorah and Tyrion – Co-slaves. The pirate slaver who got his ass kicked by a chained Tyrion is probably not very good at his job. I was kind of disappointed we didn’t get to see a cock auction. A cocktion, if you will.
Dany – You know she’s like 16 in the books right? People are going to be super pissed when they find out.
Queen of Thorns – She just wants her grandkids back!
Tommen – Wife and mother in jail… Stannis or Dany just needs to show up at this point.
Jaime – Dornish jail doesn’t seem so bad. They don’t even lock the doors!
Bronn – Speaking of the highs and lows of jail… For a moment, I thought we were going to lose Bronn. Now it appears they’re going to ‘ship him with a Sand Snake. Just as an FYI, that’s Tyene Sand, played by 19-year old Rosabell Laurenti Sellers.
Jorah and Tyrion – Jorah got his big break and Dany was like, “Nope. Still hate you.” Poor Ser Friendzone. (Whoever came up with that in the comments, please stand up and take a bow.) My favorite part of the scene was the fact that Tyrion was the only slave warrior chained up. Probably because of how deft he proved himself as a fighter back at the auction.
Margaery – Compared to Jaime’s accommodations in Dorn, the religious police are not very good hosts. Heck, even Bronn gets a peep show.
Cersei – It took 5 seasons, but she’s finally in some real danger. (Ignore that siege on King’s Landing where she was ready to swallow a poison pill.) And after she was so nice to the High Sparrow for like two whole episodes. It’s like you can’t trust crazy people you don’t know. If I were Littlefinger, I’d be on the first horse out of town right about now.
Season 5, Episode 6: “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” Recap
Season 5, Episode 5: “Kill The Boy” Recap
Season 5, Episode 4: “The Sons of the Harpy” Recap
Season 5, Episode 3: “High Sparrow” Recap
Season 5, Episode 2: “The Wars to Come” Recap
Season 5, Episode 1: “The House of Black and White” Recap